Sexual problems of Youths

In this book, the author has explained the reasons for the sexual problems being faced by the Muslim youth. He talks about the impediments to marriage and the sexual perversions that result in the youth being unmarried. Lastly, he presents advice on how to deal with this problem.

Dedication

All praise belongs to the Lord Who created us and commissioned His noble messengers to guide us to felicity in this world and the next. I dedicate this book to my daughter, Shirin and my son, Shahab, and invoke Allah, the Almighty to lead and keep all youths, including my children, on the straight path of truth and protect them from Satan and satanic temptations throughout their lives.

I present the reward of my translation to the soul of my late aunt, and beseech God to give me more success in this way.

I appreciate the valuable assistance of Mr. Sayed Athar who reviewed and edited this book.
On Him we trust, and He is Sufficient for us. He is the Best Supporter.

Monir Shafiei
24.1.2007
Tehran ,Iran
monirshafiei@yahoo.com [9]

Preface

For awakening the families

The parents are unconcerned and the youths are indifferent and uncaring towards the events concerned with their destiny!

It seems that all prefer to forget the problems to ignore their fear, and as called by diplomats, they follow the policy of “patience and wait”.

Then, thousands of guiltless youths become victims of such negligence, heedlessness and ignorance, and the society is corrupted.

It is strange that thousands of societies, seminars, congresses, etc. are held every year throughout the world for investigation and review of underwater mines, various marine creatures, direction of winds and typhoons, pests of cotton boll and oat, extinction of chamois, decrease in the number of penguins, internal structure of firefly and so on, and scientists from around the world meet together to discuss about them.

On the other hand, little (if any) attention is paid to issues related to youths, who are the most active and precious human treasures of societies.

What we can do?

Our present world is not ruled by intellect and wisdom. Realities are not taken into consideration. The course of events and issues are mostly determined by a series of personal, regional, emotional, recreational motives or affairs dealing mostly with the appearance of the society.

Otherwise, such a significant issue shouldn’t have been forgotten and ignored to such an extent. Negligence of thinkers and scientists should not cause the youths and parents to forget their critical responsibility.

None of the problems the youths face today is as important as the sexual problem. Regretfully, we have to admit that this problem is becoming more complicated and serious due to developing automation in life, long duration of education and specialty courses, availability of luxury to all families, and lack of mutual confidence between girls and boys.

We have discussed these problems explicitly and clearly in this book and also proposed some solutions. Although some believe that we face a deadlock in this regard, we have proved the contrary. That is, should the youths and parents decide to solve this problem, effective solutions would indeed be available?

Moreover, we have discussed about “sexual perversion”, and practical way of its treatment and prevention. Studying it will certainly provide useful information for all youths to get salvation from this problem. These discussions were already published in “Nasl-e-Javan” magazine but after receiving repeated requests and numerous letters from the magazine office, it was published after revision and completion in book form which is available to you now.

We pray God the Almighty to give success to all the youths to solve their problems in this critical issue of life by following the instructions in this book. This is our utmost desire.

Qom – Nasir Makarim Shirazi
August 1971

A problem called marriage

Barriers to spouse selection

In the name of God

Every youth faces these barriers

Statistics indicate that marriage (particularly in recent years) has considerably decreased, and in contrary, marriage age (especially in big cities and places nearer to civilization) has increased so that youth marry at ages when “enthusiasm” and “vivacity” has nearly faded, and the prime time of marriage has ended.

Of course, this is caused by various factors, the most important of which are:

1- Extended period of education

2- Possibility of illegal relations

3- Unavailability of needs of life (as desired) and heavy expenditures for marriage

4- Distrust between young boys and girls.

Here, we will study in details the first two parts which enjoy more significance:

Some social planners have proposed the plan of “Compulsory marriage” without making any effort and endeavour to study about the causes of this danger and the way to encounter it. That is, for instance to impose a kind of special tax on “singleness” to force the youth to accept family life; or to deny single youths employment in different institutions; or to consider other severe punishments for these youths!

Some youths ask us: What is your idea about this plan? Do you think it is an effective and proper solution?

We believe that if “compulsory marriage” implies application of some ways, like denying to single youths employment in different institutions, it may be slightly and temporarily effective in the current situation, but it would never be a final solution for the “dangerous event of decrease in matrimony”. Rather, it may even create undesirable reactions.

Basically, “marriage” and “compulsion” are two contrary terms that are never compatible with each other. Compulsory marriage is like “compulsory friendship and affection”!

Is it possible to inspire affection and amity between two individuals compulsorily and forced by law?!

Marriage, in its proper concept, is a kind of spiritual and corporeal relationship for a peaceful common life in prosperity and sincerity. On this account, it shall be established in a free and optional condition, void of any imposition. Therefore, any marriage contract concluded without full satisfaction of both parties is repudiated by Islam.

Marriage is not like “military service” to dispatch one to the garrison and force one to learn military techniques under particular control.

It is strange that “planners” try to reform the present condition, which is the result of a series of social abnormalities without paying least attention to the causes of its occurrence.

We believe that even if such plans are practical, they are only considered as a sedative medicine, while “the main causes” of this event and “the causes of its causes” shall be found and eradicated.

Then, the present abnormal, illogical and undesirable situation of marriage would be automatically corrected.

Therefore, we have better to study each of the above four factors as the main causes of decrease in marriage independently.

Extended duration of education, the first great barrier to marriage of the youth

Although, we know that not all of those who escape the critical issue of marriage have the excuse of being engaged in education, but there are many who remain single even for several years after their graduation.

However, it is undeniable that the extended duration of education is a “big and important barrier” to marriage of many of the youth.

The educational period for most majors is more or less 18 years. So, when a youth graduates, he or she is about 25 years and is still “a youth seeking a job” (if we can apply the term “youth” in its real sense, because he/she has passed the major part of his/her youth, and just a margin remains!).

It seems that in the future world, which is the world of expertise, this age may prolong and may even increase to 35 years!

Now, the question is whether “marriage” should certainly depend on “graduation” even if it is prolonged and extended more? Or this dependency, which is believed by some to be indispensable, shall be eliminated, and the youth shall be relieved from this very troublesome requisite?

On the other hand, how could a young student (who is a “consumption system” spending money and not a “productive system” having income) think of marriage with such heavy and excessive expenses? How can we deny the relationship of marriage to graduation?

We believe that if we think openly and avoid wrong imitations, solving this problem is not too difficult, and there is a clear plan for it, that is:

What is the problem if youths select their partners through consultation with parents and considerate friends during their education period (when they are at ages appropriate for marriage)? Then, a sort of legal engagement (conclusion of marriage contract as well as religious and legal formalities, exclusive of wedding ceremonies), not requiring luxuries and expensive costs could be arranged between them, so that the boy and girl know that they belong to each other and will be partners to each other in the future life.

Later, after preparation of facilities, they may accomplish the remaining marriage and wedding ceremonies in a simple and reputable form. The first advantage of this plan is that the youth may find a spiritual tranquillity and hope, and are saved from the dreadful monster of a vague future bothering many single youths.

On the other hand, it insures them against many moral aberrations and relieves them from wasting too much time in finding a suitable spouse when facilities for starting a joint life are provided.

It is possible for most youths to act according to this plan. If the parents are observant, the youth think properly and this plan is followed, a considerable part of their problems in this respect will be solved.

In summary, the legal engagement (conclusion of marriage contract) and nomination of a boy and girl to each other, enables the youth to satisfy a considerable part of their sexual needs in this way. The engagement period involves many advantages of marriage, and compensates a major part of sexual deprivation of the youth.

Thereby, the youth are secured from indecency and sexual perversions, without imposition of extra expenses on the girl’s or boy’s family, and free from the issue of pregnancy or any other problem for continuation of their education.

The other alternative is official marriage up to the last stage, that is, wedding ceremonies, but preventing conception through numerous available ways (most of which are lawful). The major problem of marriage for young spouses is conception, which is very troublesome for the youth when they are educating. However, all these plans are only practicable if marriage ceremony is celebrated in a simple form, without extra formalities, but not the present rituals and expensive marriage ceremonies for which there is not any logical justification.

This is the solution if parents and youth are really seeking prosperity. Waiting for graduation, then finding a suitable, honourable and profitable job, and provision of house, car and other equipment, and affording the high costs of luxurious marriage ceremonies results in the youth being tainted with thousands of perversions, as well as marriage at the age of 35 to 40, when one is nearer to the retirement period! This sort of marriage is exactly abnormal, lacking spirit and nobility, and it is not in harmony with the systems of man’s existence and the times determined by natural instincts for marriage.

Decrease in matrimony, A great social tragedy

Decrease in matrimony, reluctance of the youth to marry and preferring the abnormal life of singleness, and more accurately what could not be called life at all, is a great tragedy for humanity, which has involved man of our age along with other negative impacts of automation life.

Decrease in matrimony is not tragic just for resulting in extinction or low generation, and we cannot reason that it is not a problem at present and perhaps within the next years, and on the contrary, increase in population is now a cause of concern (of course in the non-industrial countries, but not the industrial ones where population is extremely controlled)!

Its major disadvantage is that unmarried individuals lag behind others in view of feeling social responsibility. They do not belong to any society, and resemble those suspending and wandering in the immense space among the spheres in weightlessness!

They may forget their homeland for a little purpose, and immediately fly to another part, or even commit suicide when facing problems.

According to statistics, suicide occurs much more among the single than married people.

Brain drain is seen much more among singles that have not made any marriage contract with the society of their home country.

Most criminals are either single or live alone. In fact, matrimony prevents man from thinking that he belongs to himself and making improper decision about himself and his future, because he feels responsibility against the small society called “family”.

“Lack of feeling responsibility” and “lack of social relation” have other evil consequences, the most important of which is non-utilization and non-mobilization of all powers and forces for improvement and development in life. Not too much power is required for earning livelihood of one for whom there is no problem how to spend his life,!

This is the reason why the life of single individuals is mixed with depression, laziness, indifference towards obtaining and preserving life facilities, and activation of their genius.

Many weak-kneed and infirm who are unable to earn their own livelihood and live as burdens for the society when they are single, change to decisive, serious, firm, agile and observant persons after marriage. All these are miracles of feeling responsibility!

Emphasis made in “Islamic resources” indicating that “Wife is accompanied with sustenance” may refer to the same concept.

In this respect, we can compare the single to the “wandering nomads” who have never tried to improve the lands where they live temporarily and easily immigrate to another place.

From the moral point of view, the single will never be “Perfect Men”, because many moral aspects, such as loyalty, forgiveness, manliness, affection, kindness, dedication and gratitude are realized in the family and joint life of the spouses and children. Those who have not experienced this situation are less familiar with these concepts.

It is true that undertaking the responsibility of joint life after marriage is accompanied with many problems and obligations for man, but is it possible for one to find perfection without facing problems and discharging responsibilities?!

The issue of responding to the natural needs of body and spirit, and the unfavourable mental and corporeal reactions caused by saying no to this need, is definite and certain.

Taking into account these undeniable realities, we have not exaggerated if we call tendency to “singleness” and continuous decrease in marriage a social tragedy.

On the other hand, the question is how we shall deal with the stalemates and strenuous problems that youths may have for fulfilment of this “natural and social obligation”? Is it still possible to fulfil this great and sacred obligation on time even in the present conditions of machine life, undue expectations, disagreement between parents and youth, educational conditions, unemployment and distrust of youths on each other?

These points shall be carefully examined, and the final resolution of this social dilemma is impossible without solving them.

The point that shall be necessarily taken into consideration here is that the current messy situation of marriage and its concerned problems are in fact what we and our society have created and imposed on ourselves.

It has not rained from the sky or sprouted from the earth. We have established it as a result of competition, ignorance, improper pre-judgments, wrong calculations and involvement in a series of harmful habits, customs and blindly imitations.

Therefore, if we decide, we can change this situation, and establish a new plan based on realities and noble concepts of life, not based on imaginations, conjecture and wrong imitations.

There is no stalemate, no miracle is required, and correction of the current situation is not impossible.

Possibility of illegal relations is an important factor for decrease in marriage

Today, social life is not in a normal and proper form in most parts of the world, one example of which is decrease in marriage and preference of abnormal life of “singleness” by the youth.

As we have already explained, in addition to decrease in matrimony and expansion of singleness in the human generation, it is deemed a great disaster for human society in view of creation of a sort of life system without feeling responsibility, cut off from social relations, indifference to social events which are definite results of a single life.

If we add the moral aberrations in which many singles are engaged, the significance of this social problem will become more evident.

Now, let us study the main causes of this dangerous social event:

Undoubtedly, this abnormal situation is not the effect of one or two causes. However, some main causes attract more attention, one of which is the issue of “proliferation of illegal relations”.

On one side, due to the facility of these relations for many youths, “a woman” has been changed to a mean, cheap and even “free of charge”! being who is easily accessible.

In this way, she has lost the value, significance and prestige previously rendered to her in the society, and she is not a precious and dreamy being attracting the youth to her anymore.

Women’s increasing nudity in the modern world has contributed to her raunchiness. Although it may be a transient cause for attraction of the capricious men at the beginning, but it finally results in the raunchiness and cheapness, while this is in contrary to what these women expect!

On this account, in the current societies there is no trace of those pure, sincere and passionate loves which existed in the past, because man always finds fervent love to what is not easily accessible, and it is nonsense to love a mean, cheap and free of charge being, what to say about fervent and fiery love!

On the other hand, many licentious men may ask why they should undertake so many “terms” and “responsibilities” of marriage to gain access to a woman, while many of them are accessible without acceptance of any term or responsibility?!

Hence, since they are not familiar with the ominous consequences of sexual and moral licentiousness and see woman merely as a means of satiation of sexual desire, basically they consider acceptance of marriage and so many terms and responsibilities, a silly decision! and spend all or a major part of their life being single.

Taking into account these facts, the effect of “possibility and facility of illegal relations” on decrease in marriage is exactly clarified. In western societies, where this freedom and laxity is more, matrimony has decreased further. They marry when they are aged, and even these marriages are so weak and short-lived that it often dissolves for small and sometimes ridiculous reasons!

Victims of these shameful relations

In addition to what was explained above, there are always filthy and dirty elements in such societies, who prefer being single to a life of matrimony, called “centres of prostitution” that are an important factor for decrease in marriage as well as dissolution of families.

These filthy centres which are necessarily besides present unhealthy societies are a clear proof for abnormal temper and condition of these societies.

Prostitution and its centres shall not be discussed only in view of being a centre for expansion of immorality and spread of various types of corporeal and mental microbes.

Neither shall it be discussed in view of its effect on the marriage and tendency to singleness, although these aspects require precise discussion and study.

Rather, it shall be also discussed in view of the floozies who gather and prostitute in these centres.

Those who have had precise studies in this regard and have written books after extensive researches, confess that the situation of this group of prostitutes represents the most painful and grievous types of slavery in the middles ages.

They are excluded, forlorn and really helpless women, who are always indebted and burn day and night like a candle to illuminate parties of lust and sensualism, and finally die forsaken in the worst condition, and there is no one even for their burial.

Which conscience authorizes existence of such helpless slaves in the society when it claims to have abolished slavery?!

We shall not forget this pitiful slavery that has been regretfully recognized and affirmed by many modern societies, is the result of facility of illegal relations.

Women bogged down in these fetid swamps of society are often the same victims of illegal relations, who are gradually led to these centres. The story of these women mentioned in some books is undoubtedly one of the most grievous tragedies and a blemish for modern societies, but unfortunately, it is less studied and discussed.

Therefore, for prevention of dissolution of families, fall and decrease in matrimony, and delivering these helpless slaves, this sort of freedom, licentiousness and possibility of illegal relations shall be prohibited. This is not possible save with provision of a proper program.

Considering the above facts, the dear youths shall care more for themselves and their friends, and pay no heed to the well-worn deceptive phrases uttered by unclean individuals for drawing them to these types of licentiousness.

Those who introduce this situation and these centres as a social necessity, and are going to reduce the obscenity and ugliness of prostitution, and rather call this illegitimate action a means of guarding the chastity of families!! and health of youths!!, are really wrong.

Is existence of a fetid swamp resulting in expansion of immorality and even corporeal diseases which are separated from the societies to prevent transmission of taint to the families, a social necessity?

Shackles for the youth

• It is true that ages have passed from the normal time of our marriage, but how can we marry while:

    • We do not yet have a car!

    • We do not yet have a job!

    • We have not yet saved enough money to cover the heavy costs of marriage, gifts for bride!

    • We have not provided a good place for our marriage ceremonies yet, and … yet, and … yet!

• How we can agree to the marriage of our daughter while:

    • An ideal husband with sufficient income, honourable job, good position, house, …, has not proposed marriage with her, and those who have proposed lacked one or two of these conditions!?

    • Moreover, we have not provided required home appliances for her yet, and two or three of them, such as carpet, furniture, refrigerator, washing machine, iron, vacuum cleaner, sewing machine, are not provided yet!

    • Of course, in this situation, marriage of a girl is nothing save disgrace! God may not forgive our society that has chained us so …! What we can do when the troublesome and disturbing conditions in the society do not let us to act in a proper way?!

These are the confab or more proper to say that unreasonable pretexts and excuses of a number of youths (girls and boys) and parents for avoiding the critical issue of marriage. A scientist says: Life has two parts: First part is spent with hope for the second part, and the second part with sigh for the first!

It is better to apply the term “dream” instead of “hope”, and say: The first part of life is spent dreaming about the second part, and the second part sighing for the first!

The clear example is the issue of marriage of many of our youths. They waste half their life finding an ideal spouse, and the other half sighing at the mistakes they committed in the first part. However, these youths and those parents that these shackles and false hindrances are established by no one save you!

You have established a vain and entirely illusory concept for conjugal life, and lost the “real” happiness and felicity for achieving an “illusory” one.

Be sure that as all experiments and experiences have proved, the boundaries and lines which you have drawn for felicity will never make you happy.

These competitions, blindly imitations, rendering authenticity to inauthentic affairs, glasses deviating proper vision to life, endless expectations, false dreams and deceptive mirages, all have shackled you and hinder you from accomplishment of the most essential task for a youth.

Should the youth and parents be decisive and brave enough to cut the chains of captivity in the claws of delusion, fancy, and dream, and break these idols, then they would find that they have achieved freedom of spirit and easiness, and how prosperous and happy they have become.

Can you find someone owning house, car and everything at his youth? Then, why do you expect yourself or your spouse to be so? That is right; there are some whose forefathers have been rich and they have inherited from them. However, since they have not taken efforts for gaining their wealth, fortunately or unfortunately, they will not be able to keep it.

Take it easy, and when the simple and reasonable requisites are provided, take action for marriage.
We believe that marriage with simple ceremonies is easy and do not be surprised, even compatible with education, provided both parties understand the proper concept of marriage. They shall also understand that everything in the world of creation is gradual, and better conditions for life are provided little by little. Expectations shall always be in the frame of facilities.

It seems that the youth wandering in the byways of these dreams have forgotten that what is essential in marriage is existence of “two persons” understanding each other and the proper concept of life, and loving it.

Existence of the two basic factors, that is, two persons with proper understanding is essential. Otherwise, the other requisites and facilities would not bring happiness.

On this basis, our high religious instructions have not defined any condition for accomplishment of a proper marriage save existence of two sane persons (the spouses) willing to have a joint conjugal life, while you can see this simple task has been changed into such a complicated problem!

The other remarkable point is that the simple life of seminary students could be an evident practical example for the other youths. (Pay attention)

Around 99 percent of seminary students marry while undergoing studies, and although their courses at the seminary are very heavy and difficult and they are engaged in it full time, they can live in utmost purity and simplicity with the meagre allowance paid by seminary treasuries, or through agriculture or a simple job during summer, without facing with fateful consequences of loneliness, while they feel tranquillity and happiness in this respect.

Seven adventures of matrimony

• Many issues known to us as “unpleasant but meantime inevitable necessities” of life are the products of our illogical deeds and are often avoidable!

• Many snares which we suppose destiny has imposed for us are the same chains that we have made by our own hands.

• A major part of problems in our life is indeed obstructions, excuses, obstinacies, and even inflexibilities exhibited by us when facing events, but not real problems!

It is said that once Rostam, the Iranian epical hero, decided to conquer some parts of Iran that no preceding gallant conquerors had succeeded in.

During his journey towards the heart of this region, he faced “seven great obstacles” each of which was more terrible than the other. Once he faced the white demon, and once the giant dragon, and once the dangerous magicians. Finally, he passed them one by one with his strength and skills. He passed the seven stages (seven adventures) and overcame them. Ferdowsi, the Iranian epic poet has described and versified the story in Shahnameh with attractive delicacies.

The legend is a romantic representation of the mass of problems in a man’s life, their abundance and intensity, and a plan for showing ways of overcoming these problems.

Nowadays, the issue of marriage and passing its obstacles is not easier than what Rostam did when passing the “seven legendary adventures”. The only difference is that neither all youths possess the bravery and power which Rostam had for passing the seven adventures, nor basically they are so decisive and determined!

As mentioned, no other social issue has so deviated from its original and normal form (with such harmful and disturbing embellishments) like marriage.

The groans, complaints and clamours of the youth and parents for the huge costs of marriage are mostly for these additional formalities. Otherwise, the basis of marriage is too simple, pure and sacred to cause so many problems and troubles.

At present, for many people, marriage is like mining “gold” from the mines which is mixed with impurity that it is not economical and does not worth such a trouble!

Impurities of marriage are the very competitions, wrong customs, transient humours and fancies, achieving unreal honour, prestige and personality.

Marriage has lost its main visage among the mass of problems. It is transformed to a “horrible monster” that not all individuals could bear.

Worse is that a few people dare to challenge these embellishments and impurities. In this respect, the educated are worse than the illiterate. Now, people are weaker and more disabled in this challenge as compared to the past.

Many people satisfy themselves with a wrong reasoning that “a man marries once during his or her lifetime, and could not celebrate it simply”, or “let us realize our last desires, whims and internal tendencies”!

They ignore that when this wrong reasoning becomes popular, it changes into the greatest hindrance for felicity and happiness of the youth.

The youth shall pass the seven adventures of this long way just with their heroism, like Rostam, and break these magic spells. This involves seven adventures, including:

1- Unlimited and dreamy expectations; the expectations of girls from boys, and boys from girls, and parents from both of them

2- Raising undue embarrassments; by many of the parents, families, relatives and friends

3- Heavy dower sum

4- Extra formalities; for wedding ceremonies and the dangerous competitions

5- Petulance for being in the same and equal position and rank by two families

6- Fiery loves; which are uncontrollable and at the same time unconsidered

7- Excessive obsession; and lack of confidence and trust on each other in the future

When we reflect on these seven problems, we see that most of them are not concerned with the issue of marriage, but to its embellishments.

For instance, consider the issue of “matching and being equal in rank”, which is a great hindrance for marriage of many youths, while it is only a mirage.

A 30 years old man who introduced himself as an “Oil Engineer”, and agreed that he has a good salary, complained and groaned for failing to marry yet.

He said: I cannot select a wife from any family, because I shall find an honourable and prestigious family in the equal rank with me.

However, when I find such a family, they propose such terms, conditions and expenses for marriage that just an “electronic brain” can calculate it! …

I asked: If you mean sufficient education and knowledge by “prestige, honour, …”, I can introduce you to many families having educated and able girls, ready to marry with those like you. If you mean having high human attributes, moral values and or interesting in physical and corporeal privileges, still there are many of such girls among the middle class but noble and honest families.

But I do not think you mean any of them. By an honourable and esteemed family, you may mean that her uncle shall be a general director or general manager, and her parents shall be rich, and have an expensive house and car! Is it true? … I found that he meant the same.

I said: Then, making such a big mistake for evaluating prestige based on these affairs, and not human’s actual privileges, it is not a surprise if you are in such a trouble!

It is interesting that in our Islamic traditions, “being equal in rank” with the wrong concept prevailed at that time among tribes and social societies, has been strongly condemned, and Islam has introduced faithful women and men, girls and boys in the same and equal rank.
We read in Islamic traditions:

المؤمن کفو المؤمن

A believer from any family, race and social class is in the same rank and position as the other believer.

Therefore, if the delusive ideas about class life and social ranking are eliminated, and both parties like each other for what has a human, logical and rational value, not for the positions of uncles and families, wealth, car and property of aunts, the problem will be surely solved. This applies to many other hindrances for marriage as well.

Strict Parents

These parents endanger the future of their darling children seriously!

Many parents who have spent their own youth with all its problems and troubles and are unaware of the storm existing in hearts of the youth (both girls and boys) for proper satiation of their sexual instincts, are very ‘cool’ and or ‘strict’ for the marriage of their sons and daughters.

Their ‘coolness’ and ‘strictness’, both branching from a single mental origin, are sometimes so that they call one year and five years delay ‘a simple event and short term’.

They ignore that even a month or several days of delay in critical situations may change the fate of a youth.

It is not clear why these parents do not remember their youth?

Why they have forgotten so soon the storms and passion of youth before their own marriage? Why they do not suppose themselves instead of their young children?!

However, their self-comparison (assuming the youth as cool as themselves) is very dangerous and even costs too much and sometimes leads to insanity.

One of the major causes of escape of the youth from family, suicides, perversions and diseases is lack of attention to this reality. It is particularly true for the virtuous, chaste and faithful youth.
Parents’ negligence of such youth is unfair and far from realism and farsightedness.

Indeed, the problems of marriage and its concerned responsibilities often cause parents to unknowingly ignore their understanding about the situation of youth and the crisis of their sexual instinct, or persuade themselves that its time has not come yet.

Sometimes, the painful consequences of this negligence will entangle them for the whole of their life, when there is no way for compensation and remedy.

The strictness of parents in selection of spouse for their children, their baseless and sometimes ridiculous terms and conditions for their marriage, originate from lack of recognition of necessity.

When one recognizes the necessity of something, he imposes lesser terms and conditions for it, and chooses principle of forbearance and connivance as the basis of all discussions and decisions. On the contrary, lack of recognition of necessity makes one inflexible and choosy.

I read in an article that some of the strict and fussy individuals even smell a car like meat or vegetables when buying! When they smell a car for buying, what would they do in selecting spouse for their daughter and son?

It is surprising that most often such parents are trapped in such problems they never expect.

The psychological reason is that only dishonest and ostentatious individuals can attract their attention through show off and boasting. Otherwise, healthy and normal people can never be so, and they can never win their hearts.

It is true that one should select his or her spouse carefully, and selection of a life partner is not like buying a cloth. However, there is a big difference between carefulness and strictness and obsession. When it seems that the other party is qualified for marriage, and investigation of the informed individuals confirms this reality, one should take action without any doubt, and just seek assistance from God. Then, the result will certainly be good.

According to the emphatic Islamic instructions for early marriage, as well as the command of intellect and extensive experiments of the informed, all parents are advised to avoid coolness and undue strictness, not to neglect the dangers caused by their strictness and coolness, and not to endanger the future of their dear children.

It should be remembered that the sexual instinct of youth is so powerful that negligence and carelessness about it may result in any sort of explosion.

Man’s history and the daily life of men indicate that dangers caused by explosion of this instinct are unique and the most important and deep-rooted.

Who should select: The youth or parents?

This was my selection and that was my parents’ selection!
This strange story was published in newspapers, while there are so many similar cases:

An 18-year-old bride who took off her bridal dress a few minutes before conclusion of marriage contract and after wearing a man’s dress, she jumped from the window to the yard and escaped. Then, she went to a bathhouse in Narmak area, and cut her vein, but soon she was transferred to a clinic and was saved from death.

Later, she explained her story to police as follows:

I was studying in the high school last year, and was engaged to a young man whom I had selected. Last year, while reading the newspaper, I saw his photo and learnt that he was arrested for stealing jewels. I called his home, and after investigation, I found it to be true!

A month ago, one of my father’s friends proposed marriage to me. He was a rich man of forty whose wife had recently died.

I had no interest in him, and expressed my view several times, but no one listened to me and my father still insisted. Once I found that invitation cards for the wedding have been distributed I had no other alternative other than ‘escape’ and committing suicide.

There are two contradictory attitudes if marriage shall be approved by parents and the elders of family or this critical issue shall be left only to the tendencies of the youth, without any intervention
Let us first become familiar with both groups, and then find a proper way through inspection and study:

One group of youths says: Do our parents want to select a spouse for themselves that they should approve it? Everyone should select his or her own partner in life. Supposing that a girl is a heavenly angel in view of our parents, but she is worse than a monster if we do not like her!

Studies conducted by many social scientists and judicial authorities indicate that most marriages that end in divorce are those made in young ages, when choice of parents had been the only criterion.

Basically, an adult does not need any ‘custodian’ or ‘administrator’. Suicide and running away of many girls and boys from the family is the result of this big mistake of parents, the example of which could be always found in newspapers.

If the youths were unable to distinguish right and wrong in the past and could not recognize what is expedient for them, today it is not so, and all of them know everything before maturity!

The mentality of parents is often out-dated, and not compatible with the spirit of time, and thereby, they cannot understand the preferences of a young girl or boy.

In brief, the parents should not intervene in this critical issue, and they should leave it to the taste, creativity and idea of their children.

On the other hand, parents say:
Even Plato and Avicenna were not perfect in their youth. That is to say, the youths are so optimist and simple-minded that they are easily deceived by elegant and self-righteous faces due to their innocence and sincerity. They do not know what devils are hidden behind these deceitful faces.

There are many perverted individuals who memorize the most beautiful phrases and the most enchanting and literary clichés, and repeat them with extremely masterful way to allure young boys and girls, and so-called ‘spouse hunters’, but when everything is over, they show their real faces.

Even the clever youths need a guide for marriage, because it is the first time they are experiencing it. They shall seek help of those who have traversed this path as it is dark and one should fear the risk of aberration.

Furthermore, parents are never enemies of their children. They consider their real expediencies, because they love them even more than themselves.

Even illiterate and uninformed parents are experienced and familiar with advantages affecting the future of matrimony, and are able to distinguish ‘realities’ from ‘imaginations and delusions’.

Moreover, it is very shameful from the moral point of view if a youth totally disregards one who has devoted his or her power, alacrity and strength to him (and to whom he is indebted for his life) in such critical issue and pay no heed to their pure feelings at all. He should not just think of satisfying of his desires and select his spouse without parents’ consent, and forget all his debts to them. This is not compatible with any ‘human principle’.

However, we believe that none of these two views are fully realistic.

Neither the parents have any right to impose their idea on the youth in spouse selection, nor is it advisable for the youth to make this critical selection alone.

Rather, the proper way is to arrange and accomplish this critical issue through assistance consultation and exchange of views.

The parents shall consider the reality that selection of spouse is not just based on logic and reasoning. Rather, the main factor for this selection is a matter of taste, and certainly the tastes of two individuals, even two brothers, are very different.

An imposed marriage is unlikely to last long. Sooner or later, it ends in divorce. The worst and most dangerous case is when parents consider their personal interests in selecting the spouse of their children. Such people are absolutely wrong.

On the other hand, the youth should know that the fervour of youth casts blinds his vision, and he sees nothing except ‘goodness’ in that situation and ignores all ‘faults’. The sympathetic parents and well-informed friends would help them with their intellectual contributions in this critical selection.

Even the powerful youths are not needless of the assistance of their friends, relatives and parents in the crises and events of life.

If they disregard this vital issue, they cannot enjoy their support and backing in future problems. So, it is necessary for them to earn their trust and confidence.

From ethical point of view also, they should obtain the consent of their sympathetic and kind parents. Islamic laws instruct (particularly the virgin girls), to first obtain their parents’ satisfaction (father as an obligation). Of course, there are exceptional cases when the father wants to arrange a marriage against interests of his child for his personal interests, or when the marriage is in accordance with the child’s interests, but the father intentionally obstructs it. In none of these cases, his opinion is valid, and it is not obligatory to obey him.

Fiery Loves

A danger in the youth’s life

Many words have been expressed for love, magnificence and splendour of love, or insanity and disease of love, describing it with different and contradictory phrases.
Some great writers have eulogized it saying:

“Love” is the officer of life and eternal felicity. (German Goethe)

“Love” is the architect of the world. (Hezieh)

Toman Man speaks about the miraculous effect of love, and believes: “Love strengthens spirit and keeps man cheerful”.

A number of great eastern philosophers have transcended others and believe: Any movement and motion, even the motion of cosmos and spheres in the transcendental world is caused by a sort of love!

If we interpret this term, in its extensive and general sense, that is, any sort of extra affinity and attraction, we shall approve their sayings!

Contrary to so many interesting interpretations and explanations, another group of writers and philosophers have applied the most offensive attacks and accusations for “love”, and have reviled it at the level of a hateful disease.

One of the well-known eastern writers says: Love is a chronic disease like tuberculosis, cancer and gout, which a wise man should avoid!

Others, like the famous astronomer, Copernicus has said: If we do not call love a sort of insanity, at least we can say that it is an extract of disabled brains!

Finally, some like Carlyle have rushed on love heedlessly, and believe: Love is not only a sort of insanity, but also a combination of several sorts of insanity!

These contradictory descriptions for the term, which is one of the most popular in literature and poetry, and even ordinary utterances, should not be accounted for contradiction in judgment about a particular reality. Rather, the dissidence actually originates from the difference in the point of view of the judges.

In other words, each of these writers and scientists has discussed one of the facets of love which they have encountered more in their life. Therefore, we shall confess that:

If by love, we mean a powerful and extraordinary attraction between two individuals or in general between two creatures (such as human, animal, plant and lifeless thing) in the direction of a superior objective, is it possible to imagine something higher than it’?!

Its power of creativity is so wonderful that it can leap over any hindrance, and pass any obstacle in the path of perfection and development.

They have admired love for such creativity and its great and unique power, as we know that many of the best literary, architecture and aesthetic masterstrokes were created under the influence of this emotion.

On the other hand, if by love we mean the powerful attraction leading two individuals to sin, stain, and fall into the marsh of vice and prostitution, it is really shameful and blameworthy, because removing its stains is not an easy task!

If by love, we mean the crazy attraction which completely destroys intellect and wisdom, it is really worthy of scorn.

Finally, love has different facets from various points of view. So, both its admiration and scorn could be appropriate and applicable.

Under the romantic covering of “love”

It is noteworthy for all sincere youths to know that nowadays, so many crimes and evils are committed under the pretty and romantic mask of “love”!

Any capricious, lustful and impure person may pretend to be a truthful lover. Any deceitful and two-faced monster having no purpose except satiation of his wild animal lusts may realize his satanic and evil purposes under this “veil” by applying romantic descriptions of this “term”.

On this account, after realization of his dirty purposes, his real face is unveiled. He forgets what all he had said. There doesn’t even remains any drop of those pure sentiments and fiery loves, just like a big vessel full of water which is overturned at once. There remains no trace of the heart full of affection, sick eyes with love, and thousands other claims. There remains only a deceived and regretful beloved with a world of sigh, grief and sorrow!

The youth should watch carefully for “false pretenders of love”, who have no capital except lies, deception and tricks. They must note that there are many such people in the society, who copy a single letter full of lies and send it to several girls at the same time.

Not only girls, but the boys should also watch for various traps, where there is no way of deliverance, and it is possible to regret all life for one moment of negligence, undue optimism and submission to vain and false phrases. Those who are deprived of affection, submit themselves to such expressions of love very soon, and are thereby deceived and entrapped easily. They should watch out more than others.

In the next chapter, titled “Pitfalls of love”, we will discuss additiona1 issues complementary to our present discussion.

Pitfalls of love

As we have already said, “love” means “a powerful extraordinary attraction” between two individuals, or generally between two creatures to achieve a pure objective. It is one of the glorious appearances of human spirit, and the most excellent masterstrokes of creation.

When marriage of two individuals is based on such fondness and affection; but a real and deep one and not a false and surface one, it will certainly remain steady. Such foundation is full of affection and pure love, and such marriages are fruitful, useful, reliable and comforting.

However, it differs with false and artificial love (which is apparently fiery) and the transient caprices, the final aim of which is illegitimate satiation of desires, and then forgetting everything.
Even in real love and pure fondness, there are great pitfalls, which should never be overlooked!

First pitfall

Ordinary affections have a powerful “whitewash” and cover-up effect, what to say about extreme and extraordinary interests!

That is, if we assume that man has two eyes of “satisfaction” and “hate”, the latter is totally closed for one in love so that he (she) may explain the worst “faults” as the best “merits” through strange justifications and interpretations.

One who gives the least advice to these “restless lovers”, will face a harsh reaction, because the lover thinks and believes that he has no purpose other than enmity, envy, meanness, …, and so he opposes the other party.

The lovers usually think that they have found such perception under the grace of love, that the others do not have, and therefore, judgments and advices of others are the result of their unawareness and improper understanding as well as their wrong evaluation of the realities of life. Here, giving advice to such a lover is not fruitful and sometimes it is very dangerous.

When these ‘fiery but baseless loves” are extinguished through sexual intercourse, the veils are drawn aside, and the eye of realism opens. It seems that the restless lover has awaked from a long deep and delightful dream.

The merits have been changed and everything has lost its previous pleasant and faultless appearance!

Then, an ineffable penitence and depression casts its heavy and disastrous shade on him/her. A choking darkness and obscurity covers his/her spirit. Sometimes, the distance between these two states is so much that his/her whole life is buried therein, and one is so fearful that may commit suicide.

It is not easy to prevent this state and its side effects, and the restless lovers do not accept any advice. Intellectual reasoning is of no use to them, because their logic differs with that of the others, and the distance of their world with the others is so much that basically, no common language is found between them to understand others!

They only deal with the language of love, and others with the language of logic and intellect, while there is a big distance between the two.

However, their friends shall penetrate into their mind carefully and elegantly, without bruising their feelings, which is very dangerous. They shall discuss the issues with them indirectly, and mention the realities, problems and their mistakes in form of questions. We shall let the restless lover (engaged in his love wrongly) to return step by step from the path he/she has already trodden and let them think that they themselves have perceived the reality, and has come to know their mistakes, and return with their own will, not through the advice of others.

The youths too shall suggest to themselves the possibility of this great danger in the normal states to be settled in their unconscious decisively. Since the powerful waves of the unconscious mind do not stop in such critical states, when logic and conscious system fail to operate, it can help such people greatly, and deliver them from the danger of love. The youths shall suggest to themselves that they always respect the utterances of others (the sane and informed people), and rely on them in such cases.

Implicit agreements with such restless lovers and counting the positive points of their beloved, and confessing that they are not totally mistaken in their recognition, are very effective in attraction their confidence, so that they may respect the thoughts of their advisor and pay attention to his advices.

It must be kept in mind that humiliation and blame of such individuals has a very undesirable effect, and it should be strictly avoided. Moreover, it is ungenerous and unfair to blame and rebuke those involved in such a dangerous situation.

Wild love!

“Love” was wild and bloody from the beginning …

Writers and poets have always called Love ‘wild’.

Love, particularly a fiery one (it may not be called love if not fiery) does not recognize any limit or boundary. It transgresses social obligations, disregards moral concerns and is never compatible with prudence and advice.

That is why it is said: When love enters from one door, wisdom escapes from the other!

We have often found the story of “love” and “wisdom” and their conflicts in literary works.

That is why Carlyle, the famous British philosopher, rushes on love carelessly and calls it a sort of insanity or a combination of several types of insanity.

Otherwise, the magnificence and splendour of love, when it is applied as a powerful and creative factor, in the proper and legitimate way, is undeniable.

“Love” is known to be accompanied with “infamy” from the past, and there are popular stories about infamy of the “lovelorn lovers” among the past and present people.

Here, it would be better to have a short discussion about the mental causes of this issue, and find the source of this particular mental state, which is one of the requisites of love.

Love is like a fire which kindles the entire being of the lover, and changes all to its tint, that is the colour of fire. As if all faculties of the lover’s being are transformed into a single power, that is, the power of love.

In fact, the power of love is indebted to general mobilization of all powers and their focus on one point. Man’s various intellectual, emotional and instinctive powers originating from his being are like tributaries of a big river flowing in courses by virtue of the requirements of different lands. Obviously, if all the streams joined in one single course, the other lands dry up, and the single course floods!

On this account, the “restless lover” has no feeling and thought except the hot and fiery emotion of love. He always talks about the beloved. He seeks the beloved with all particles of his being, and any event with the least relation links him with the beloved in the form of a powerful association.

The dangerous stage starts from here when love does not accept any control, and the lover’s being surrenders quickly and entirely to a powerful and plunderer host like a vulnerable and defenceless city.

At this time, if sympathetic individuals do not help and support him, and do not guide him to the proper and legitimate way, he may take any action, because he is indifferent to everything (infamy and fame, sin and purity) except the attainment of the beloved.

He neither thinks of the morrow nor his reputation, or friends, relatives, or the social and moral obligations and customs.

Of course, he is attracted to everything unaware and without any “ill-will”. Even though he may lose the result of his past life or the entire future product in this transaction!

When he wakens (for impulsive loves, it happens shortly after sexual intercourse), he feels a rush of grief and sorrow for what he has lost and what he has done.

The dreadful regret for the past weighs on his mind and heart, but unfortunately, it is often too late and of no use.

The regret and awareness may be felt in the prison after committing a crime, or cutting off social relations and escape from home, parents and friends, living in solitude and or resorting to the centres of corruption and addiction, ….

The youths should beware of this big danger, which can begin with a glance. They should control themselves in the primary stages when it is controllable, and avoid the risky area.

They may forget the beloved through choosing healthy entertainments and hobbies, full time engagements in various educational, sports and similar activities, and should avoid associating with the ignorant and aberrant friends who kindle this fire, and think upon the evil consequences of this process.

They should keep the vacuum existing in their heart for a pure and sacred love to their future spouse, and absolutely avoid impulsive love affairs posing as sacred ones.

At this stage, their friends have an important responsibility to awaken them through friendly, endearing and empathetic ways before losing the opportunity of acceptance of advice and admonition.

“Love and fancy”

Many cases of running away from home, divorce and suicide are caused by inconformity of the lovely fancies with the future real life.

Any youth is subject to the danger of being involved in an unholy and indecisive fiery love, and may lose some of his distant and near relatives unknowingly because of it.

Therefore, all youths and parents should be warned against this danger to prevent it when it is possible.

Contrary to other seedlings, “love” grows and yields very soon. As we already mentioned, sometimes for those susceptible to it, a seed is changed to a strong tree only in an instant and just with a glance.

The particular quality of this spiritual event necessitates more investigation and watching carefully its dangers. Hereunder, we will study additional pitfalls of love.

Love and dream!

Nothing is as dreamy as love. Relationship between the two has been recognized from times immemorial.

Those involved in this trap are always living in a dreamy world, where everything differs from what exists in this world.

Its criteria differ with those of ordinary world, and its events and appearances shall be seen, not heard. However, the terms applied for normal life are not capable of describing the lovers’ life.
So many dreams of the “poets” and striking delicacies of their poems are indebted to the fancies of their real or unreal loves.

On the other hand, when they attain the beloved and see no trace of those sweet dreams, they understand that everything is at the real level or a little higher. They find remarkable realities, but nothing comparable with their dreams!

Then, they are overcome by fear.

A sorrowful coolness replaces the ardent fire of past love and squeezes their heart. They find themselves bankrupt in this transaction. Sometimes they think that they are deceived or mysterious spirits are fighting them directly or with the help of competitors and the envious.

At this time, they display drastic reactions, the severity of which is proportionate to the distance of that dream with this reality: running away from home, divorce, suicide or other acute reactions.

Love and expectation

Usually, the restless lovers spare no effort for their beloveds or at least are ready for it.

That is why when the fire of love is quenched, it is replaced by strange expectations, and since these expectations are never satiated, the lover complains and this changes their future life to a hell.

Love and revenge

One of the other great dangers of love is inflammation of severe and dangerous sense of revenge for desperation of attainment of the beloved.

There are many cases in the contemporary and past history in which lovers have committed slaughters, and the slain was none except the ex-beloved.

Turbulent love makes one worship the beloved as far as there is even a thin hope of obtaining the sweetheart. When he feels despair, and considering that it is not possible to extinguish this great power immediately, it is transformed to a severe stroke power (like a ball striking an obstacle and rebounding).

As he saw everything little and tolerable with the hope of attainment of his sweetheart, he does not fear anything in taking revenge from her in despair. Mostly, he does not rest without reacting. When he does not feel such power in himself, he may react through suicide. Thereby, he seeks revenge on either his beloved or himself.

These are some of the pitfalls of fiery, impulsive and indecisive love affairs.

Mercantile marriages

We were talking about marriage, the most difficult and tortuous stage in the life of youth, following by a discussion about love and its pitfalls. Now we continue the previous important subject.

It should not surprise you that there are several types of marriages: Mercantile marriages, impulsive marriages and paper marriages, etc.

Each of these has particular features based on which it could be easily and exactly recognized.

Symptoms of mercantile marriages are heavy marriage portions, rich dowry, water, property, house, real estate, other huge sums of money received as bride price (while from the Islamic point of view, bride price is basically senseless), or other things. Usually, two types of wealth and capital are exchanged in mercantile marriages.

1- Visible wealth

2- Invisible wealth

Visible wealth refers to the precise calculation of wealth of man or woman, and the near relatives like father, mother, brother, and in brief all of those from whom the bride and groom inherit!

In mercantile marriages, the wealth of these people are studied and calculated, and of course, after this transaction, the bride and groom wait for the properties of others like parents and brothers, and actually await their death.

On the other hand, invisible wealth refers to the social capabilities and various positions of the near and distant relatives of both parties which could be used as a means of progress in the society!

The value of invisible wealth is sometimes much more than the visible, but in this type of transaction, the bride and groom shall always pray for their relatives so that they can enjoy their support and recommendation when required.

It goes without saying that in this sort of marriage, humanistic attributes of both parties, their knowledge, and other things are not taken into account. Rather, all discussions are based on the assets and visible and invisible capital of both parties (particularly woman).

In mercantile marriages, the woman’s personality falls to the level of a usual merchandise, and is transacted just like a commodity. Unfortunately, this sort of marriage is very common in our society, and many parents and some youths believe in it.

The other big problem with such marriages is that the reason for their survival is the same as that of their occurrence, and when the man or woman finds himself or herself needless of the other, or takes possession of the desired wealth, the situation is immediately changed. Many cases are seen where men suck the spouse like a juicy fruit, and throw away the residue.

Sacred affinity and love that guarantees survival of matrimony is never meaningful to them, and both parties look upon each other as an expensive car or a luxurious apartment!

Such women have expectations proportionate  to their wealth, position, and facilities of their relatives, and dowry. This is a great blight for survival of matrimony.

High frequency of such marriage has caused many youths to introduce themselves falsely as owners of expensive cars, houses, flats, etc. When, after marriage, it is revealed that he doesn’t even own a star in the seven heavens, challenges and arguments begin.

This issue has been particularly taken into account in our religious teachings, and Moslems are strictly forbidden such marriages.

Our great leaders have denounced those marrying for wealth and property of the other party, and have called a heavy marriage portion as an ominous sign of marriage. They were satisfied with marriage of their daughters with materially poor but spiritually rich individuals and by setting little marriage portions they set an example for all of us.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.) says:
“One who marries a woman only for her beauty, he does not achieve his purpose, and one who marries a woman only for her wealth, God leaves him alone. Try to marry faithful and pure women.” (Wasa’il ash-Shi’a, 3:6)

Whimsical marriages

Whim is one of the most important and at the same time most dangerous bases of marriage.

Whim should not be confused with legitimate sexual pleasure as the instinctive motive of marriage.

There is no doubt that most youths seek “sexual pleasure” in marriage, and based on the nature that has created such a powerful instinct in them, they are authorized to look for it.

However whim is something else. It refers to a series of wishful fancies and wrong and unwise calculations mixed with irregular fluctuations or abnormal and animal enjoyments.
Whim is based on the transient, unstable and even childish or foolish values.

The whimsical marriages often end up in divorce, because the guarantee for its survival is sometimes as unstable as a bubble!

There are many symptoms for impulsive marriages:
Whimsical magazines are full of this sort of marriages. Their pattern is sometimes cinema and  films and sometimes marriages and divorces of singers and actors, while we know that cinema scenes and characters are nothing except unreal and made up and reality is something else.

But the capricious individuals take all of them seriously and base their life on these mirages and bubbles, and cause sufferings, discomforts and teasing others as atonement for these transient caprices.

Marriage with football!

Recently, there was an interesting and at the same time regrettable news in the dailies. A woman had filed a case against her husband. She complained that her husband loved football, and he attended all soccer matches. If unable to get  a ticket he shall definitely watch it on TV or listen to the radio. When watching football on TV, he forgets everything; even his dinner, sleep, wife and child.

All the time he likes to talk about football, and nothing else: “He should have married football, instead me! I am tired of my life.”

However, this lady who is the mother of one, does not know that her husband has married her for football! As she confesses, when she had gone to watch a soccer match, she saw him cheering the same team as her. Later they got to know each other more and then finally married. It seems that their spiritual common point was just cheering the same team!

Do you know what was the reply of her husband against this complaint?
He said: “I am thus. You can stay and tolerate it, or take divorce and leave me!”

Paper marriages!

Another sample of whimsical marriages is that which begins from magazines and dailies.
For instance, one may read in a daily: I am a 29-year-old lady. I am ...cm tall, …cm at the waist, … dollars of monthly income, interested in music, dancing, sport, picnic? I am willing to marry a black man with … cm tall, handsome, ….

This advertisement may attract his attention and since he finds himself and the lady eligible, he contacts her through the magazine, and they marry.

Soon they would begin to think why they contented just with physical specifications, and neglected the humanistic attributes which are the main guarantees for fidelity and continuation of marriage.

Some marriages are a mixture of “impulsion” and “trade”, and naturally include the problems and faults of both kinds. There is also a sort of political marriage, but we would be better to leave it unexplained.

Our great leaders have stressed on the spiritual, mental and moral privileges of the spouses, and thereby called family training, nobility, spirit of dedication, kindness, sincerity, chastity, virtue, and faith, as the most important factors.

Once our holy Prophet told his companions: “Avoid the beautiful plants growing in the contaminated and foul lands!”

The companions asked: “What do you mean by these plants?”

He answered: “I mean those beautiful women trained in impure environments and tainted families (and lacking moral privileges and merits).”

Sexual perversions

The youth and sexual perversions

The painful cries from everywhere!

We know that youth is a period of “crisis” of instincts, specially “sexual instinct”. If this instinct is not guided properly, it would have the worst stroke on the felicity and happiness of the youths. Their creative powers will be spoiled like unopened buds, and their ingenuity and innovation which could be the source of numerous honours for them or the society, will be certainly wasted.

There are so many victims involved in the ill-consequences of improper leadership till the end of their life!

We have received numerous letters from the victims, revealing a part of this dreadful mystery. The letters include untold mysteries, dreadful and awful events, the writers of which have sought and cried for help and assistance.

In fact, we too were not so aware about the expansion and significance of this danger, but receiving these information, we have to do our best to awake the youths and warn them of the main points of the danger. We request the Almighty God to help us and them in this regard.

First, let us quote the exact text of some of these letters for you:

First letter

Since you had written in your articles that the youths can explain to you their problems in different issues, I decided to write this letter. ... The problem from which I am suffering and is driving me to destruction is related to sexual affairs and the tendencies which I will explain to you.

I am 23 years old. After the onset of puberty, I was afflicted with “a sort of sexual perversion” due to improper training, lack of attention and unawareness, and “unfortunately” I continued it for seven years!

Now, I am suffering from this internecine blight, and although I have tried hard to stop it, it is of no use. In addition to studying its harms in the books, I find them in myself too. Weak eyes, nervous system weakness, anaemia, trembling, thinness and faint have humbled me!

I was having sufficient talents and was undergoing education, while now I cannot understand the subjects properly, but still continue my education with difficulties….
When I take up the pen, I am not able to write. So, I put it aside, and later when my hand finds power. I start writing again!

There is a weak faith in me which, along with my conscience, blames me.
I sit in a corner and weep as much as I can so that my eyes become red. In brief, I am distressed and miserable, and I do not have any redresser and reliever!!…

You may be interested to know why I do not quit it while observing its harms?

I shall reply that now I believe it is (nearly) impossible to quit. When I become hot with desire, I lose my willpower, when I recover myself, I can only cry!

Sometimes I beseech God and have recourse to Imams (a.s.), but the more I implore, the less useful it is. Once I tell myself that God and the pure Imams do not pay any heed to dirty people like me?! We are the miserable who cannot relieve our hearts even with our near relatives. To whom shall we resort?

I cannot tolerate anymore, and I am sick of the world. Have pity on me and suggest a way to relieve and deliver me. If you know a medical prescription, let me know it, and be sure (as you are) that there is no need for my appreciation. The society shall appreciate you, and God may reward you.

Another letter

I admire you for the sacred warfare you started for guiding the youths... It is clear for me that your idea, against that of many contributors of magazines, aims at felicity of youths.

I am 17 years old and a student of the fourth grade in the high school. I was an excellent student all through the primary school period. However, after maturity I fell into a trap.
Of course, it is not limited to me. A number of those of my age have fallen into this trap. At first grade of high school, I was afflicted with “a sort of perversion”. During the last four years, I have lost a large part of my mental power. I repented tens of times, but my frailty is worsened.

Now, I feel that a major part of my body, that is, my heart and nerves are not working well, and the worst point is that I have lost my willpower, always have inferiority complex, speak too little, cannot exercise and not even go to family gatherings!

I know well that I will not have a good end, but I am too weak willed to quit this dangerous activity.
What is the reason?

The reason is that there are many photos of nude women in the hands of my friends. Our only hobby is watching deviant and sexy films, and pornography books are available at the lowest price.
Please guide me. Tell me how can I get rid of this fatal pain?!

Third letter

…Are you aware of the situation of youths and our problems?…

Do you know that a number of youths commit a serious offence and are perverted?
I was recently walking at Thoraya street in Yazd. Once, I saw a young man about 25 years, having a dull body and blind in the eyes walking with the help of his younger brother.

I went to his brother with whom I was familiar, and asked, “Who is he?”
He replied, “It is my brother.” I was astounded.

I said, “What has happened to him?” He replied, “He had no problem till he was 20, but due to a perverse addiction for some years he has become blind… Regretfully, he still doesn’t quit the malefaction...”

I request you to describe the harms of this malady and the method of its treatment for the youths. What we should do for avoiding such evils?…

These were some letters we received from different cities, and we have mostly quoted their exact words above (omitting the name of writers and phrases that are uncivil to mention here).

These letters and such like are “live and expressive images” from the situation of our youths and their future. Of course, it is remarkable that there are many pure youths who are not tainted with any moral aberration, but at the same time there are many victims also.

If we ignore them and continue to be silent spectators, the pure too will be threatened, the tainted will die, or will become feeble, pitiful, defeated, poor and even criminal like the other victims. However, we hope to save the most tainted through the method which we will explain (if they want and resolve), and the pure ones may look at these issues more carefully to find the way of prevention of any sort of perversion.

Hearing the moans of these victims makes our heart tremble, and the bite of their pens, seeking help beseechingly, stings and wounds the spirit of any human.

Unfortunately, the “sexual problem of youths” is in a very dangerous and critical stage as a result of reading some publications, watching porn movies, distribution of lurid photos, as well as abuse of freedom. It calls for an unremitting endeavour and struggle for saving the youths. Otherwise, an evil and fatal future will be here soon.

However, we believe studying the situation of these victims (as the examples mentioned here above) and others seen by you, could be an expressive teacher for so many hints to all.

Anyhow, significance of subject necessitates to mention what shall be said in this regard, warn all about the cliffs in the course of life of youths, and describe the way of salvation for “the entrapped”.
We invite all of you to study these series of discussions precisely, and assure you that if you leave your heart to us and follow exactly what we provide for you, you will be saved from all risks.

The fatal consequences of perversions

One of the most important issues that the youths face, and method of prevention of the untainted and treatment of the tainted!

In the preceding chapter, we mentioned some live examples to show how perversion and addiction to some of sexual aberrations can change the youths to a feeble, abject, hopeless, retarded and a sick being to the extent of “insanity” and “death”.

Unfortunately, at our time, called by some as “the time of sexy affairs”, many idle writers try to represent the perversions of youths as something insignificant, and sometimes for satisfaction of perverted people, introduce it as a necessity of life and one of the requisites of youth period!

As we know, a group of people too have made it a means for their “illegal business”, and look everywhere for hot sexy subjects and preparing provocative photos, and do not spare any life!

For instance, recently in a magazine called “women”, a so-called shocking news item was published, which as the writer says: “It has astonished all Europe!” It was about a lady who had announced in a newspaper that she was looking for a ladylove for her husband?!

They select news, which is most probably developed by themselves, as an effective promotional means for increasing circulation of their magazine. Now, what is the result of publishing such news with so much embroidery for the society, except scandal and perversion?

Even some sociologists, psychologists and physicians are not excluded from this “sexual wave” and try to represent it as natural and harmless.

A group of people, who believe in the painful and ill consequences of licentiousness, talk about prevention of these issues in such a way that it does not help to solve the problem and treat the afflicted. Rather it teaches the perverted ways they did not know before, and increases their perversion!

All these factors have caused the issue of sexual perversion to become an extremely complicated and a terrible problem such that it is not possible to eradicate it easily. It calls for attention, budget and precise plans.

Harms of masturbation

However, the youths shall tear the curtains of ignorance and malefaction covering the most sensitive facts concerned with them through their wisdom and intellect, and instead of escaping from perception of reality and resorting to subjects with no effect except narcotization and perversion of their thoughts. They shall review the sensible and clear realities and see the end of these fatal perversions with their own eyes.

First, we narrate the testimony of some physicians and researchers who have investigated such issues. Then, we will analyse the psychological and social causes of sexual perversions, and afterwards we will describe the way of eradication of these shameful addictions.

A famous physician narrates the observations of a number of physicians in his book on the harms of the shameful habit of masturbation as follows:

Hofeman says: I saw a 23-year-old young man addicted to this evil habit since the age of 15.
He had become so weak that his eyes were too feeble even to read a book. He had headache and was hysterical. He was dizzying like a drunken and he felt a deep pain in his eyes.

Observations of Dr. Huotchinson prove that most diseases related to the genital system, retina and choroids are caused by masturbation. (Pay attention).

The said writer adds: The first result of this heinous addiction is that eyes become weak, the face loses its colour. The former smartness and acuity is not found in their sights. A grey circle surrounds their eyes. Then, weakness and sloth is observed in different organs.

Forgetfulness, lack of appetite, indigestion, asthma, envy, grief and boredom, melancholia, seclusion and loneliness are among the ill consequences of this perversion.

The physician adds in his book, that this heinous deed causes anaemia, weakening of physical and spiritual power, vertigo, imagining voices and noises, backache, forgetfulness, anorexia, weakness and indolence, and in brief general debility, in particular in the eyes and ears. (Pay attention)

Addiction to this heinous sexual perversion decreases resistance of body against diseases, and according to him:

Those afflicted with this heinous habit cannot escape death easily after contracting one of the acute diseases.

Then, he quotes from one of the writers:
I knew a young man afflicted with this heinous practice. Once, he was suffering from a feverish disease. On the sixth day when he had become very weak, he could not stop his malefaction. Then, death embraced him!

He also narrates:
One of those afflicted somehow with this heinous practice, felt gradual and increasing weakness. He was losing weight and suffering from backache. Continuation of this practice resulted in paralysis, and after six months of lying down in bed, he passed away pitifully.

Affliction with this heinous habit is very dangerous for the wounded and those who are operated.

To summarize, according to the same specialist, this heinous sexual perversion, hated both from medical and religious point of view, results in atrophy and weakens the spirits of man.

Masturbation is uncontrollable

However, the harms of such perversion are too many to be included here. One of its most horrible dangers is that the disastrous practice is not controllable at all, and will power weakens with its increasing development. It develops into such a strange extreme way that it transgresses any limitation and violates any boundary.

It is true that any sort of excess in sexual affairs, even in the legitimate way (through marriage) may cause numerous dangers, but apart from the basic differences between natural and unnatural satiation of this instinct (which will be explained later), the situation is not always prepared for its legitimate and natural satiation. While, this heinous practice does not require special conditions, and so it penetrates and roots dangerously into life of the afflicted.

Taking into account the above facts and the vital importance of this issue on the destiny and future of the youths in physical, mental, moral, social and religious point of view, it is necessary for all the youths to note exactly all the points we mention for “prevention” from these hateful habits.

The afflicted shall know that it is never too late to quit this malefaction. First of all, “decision” and then exact observation of the instructions which will be mentioned in the coming pages of this book is necessary. After studying this program, it would not be difficult to quit these habits.

$$SUB[-A big mistake about sexual perversions]

A big mistake about sexual perversions

I  would like to weep bitterly, but there is not a drop of tear in my eyes.
I would like to cry, but cannot even sigh.

I would like to think, but about what? About which misfortune and tragedy? Is there still any thinking mind with such adversities?!

I am helpless and alone, wandering and errant, fearful and frightened of what I am and what I would be. I hate everybody, everything and this tainted and disgraceful environment!

I am 21 years old, and have spent ten years of the most critical age of my life “alone”. The adversities of life and the unpleasant colours of the face of society annoy me….

I don’t know what happened. A few years ago, while reading a book, I became familiar with this vile sexual habit unwillingly. It passed and no one told me that what a critical and dangerous period youth is? The nudeness of females burning in the fire of desire and lust increased my inward emotion.

Right! I got accustomed to it and now I am physically and spiritually sick. I am losing my sanity and am too worried and anxious.

Excuse me for this long letter. These moans and entreaties do not belong to me alone. I know that many youths are as pitiable as me.

Let me also confess that I attempted to commit suicide twice at the early ages of youth, 16 or l7 but we poor people are not even allowed to die! Now I have become very weak. Pardon me, now-a-days I lose semen involuntarily!...I am wandering in a fatal typhoon, hoping that one side may lead to destruction!

Pleas save me! I request you to reply to me soon, and if possible, via mail. If you want, you can also reply to me in the Nasl-e-Javan magazine, at your earliest convenience. I pray God for progress of you, the pure-hearted masters and managers of this magazine who attempt to guide tainted individuals like me, and prevent others from such terrible things.

S.B from Mashad

The Important Issue lies here!

Here, we read another painful and distressful letter from an afflicted youth (we have not mentioned his name), and review another scene from the sorrowful spectacles of this tainted society.

Now, let us follow our discussion regarding the heinous and dangerous habit of masturbation, and the way of curing it, haply to control this dangerous flood somehow.

One of the big mistakes with respect to this critical issue is that contrary to some experts who have studied about it for many years and written about the evil effects of this ugly practice (a sample of which was mentioned in the previous chapters), some physicians comment:

Medically, we have not found any harm of this practice. Rather, frightening individuals from fatal and ominous impacts of this practice, may have undesirable effects on their spirit!

Once they say: There is not much difference between this practice and sexual intercourse.
Unfortunately, such remarks without investigation about all aspects of issue, result in fall of a number of youths in the snare of this ominous habit.

The well-informed physicians reply them as follows:
They have ignored an essential point, that is: According to “plenty of observations” and “plain confessions of many afflicted”, this practice is habit-forming, and a severe and fatal addiction which attracts individuals to itself, and does not leave them easily.

Smoking a narcotic may not be very harmful once, but we should note that there is risk of addiction, in which one’s everything may be buried.

As the specialists have stated clearly in this regard, this evil deed is habit-forming. They have warned the youths against it. (pay attention)

Another point to be added is that the way of being tainted by this practice is very simple and easy. In other words, it does not require any means, and it is possible everywhere and in all conditions. It is not possible to control it, and regretfully, since it entangles the youths during the period of “rebellion of sexual instinct”, especially during the years of 16 to 20, it may change to a deep rooted habit very soon. However, sexual intercourse is never so simple, and even for the spouses, it is possible under particular conditions.

Those who have disregarded its harms have certainly forgotten the issue of “addiction”, and its other particular conditions and situations.

Otherwise, how one can deny the reality that many tainted youths continue it as far as death, insanity, absolute debility, paralysis and losing everything? Is it possible to deny such obvious observations?!

On the contrary, there are many people among this group who say: we were not familiar with the harms of this heinous habit. Therefore, the issue of autosuggestion is rejected here.

Ways and instructions for prevention

Now, we draw the attention of all dear youths to the following points to avoid formation of this habit, or cure it:
First step

1- The first notable step for the afflicted is that despite its fatal consequences, this heinous sexual habit is curable, and according to physicians and many afflicted persons, it is certainly curable like any other wrong habit and addition if a correct procedure is applied.

It is remarkable that most of its ill effects will be removed during a relatively short period after desisting it, because the youth vivacity and power could compensate most of the previous disorders (of course, not all, but most of them). As the wounds and injuries in the children and youths heal very soon, the ill effects of this practice too will be eliminated in a relatively short period after awakening (if one realizes in time).

Those afflicted youths who despaired of their recovery or are in doubt, are really wrong, because despair and hesitation is the greatest hindrance for their relief. (pay attention).

Therefore, the first and most essential issue to be considered and believed, is the possibility of quick withdrawal from this heinous and shameful habit, and relieving from many of its consequences.
When the first step was taken, we can go ahead towards the treatment of the afflicted with perfect faith and hope, and they shall prepare themselves for exercise of the first instruction.

2- Physicians generally believe that to cure any addiction, the most important thing is  a decisive, strong, and serious decision.

You may consider it insignificant, but we tell you that it is more important and effective than what you may think.

For making a decision, one shall first reflect on the harms of continuation of this dangerous malefaction, review several times the harms mentioned in the preceding chapters, imagine the ill consequences for the addicted, and considering the superior personality and power hidden in any human, particularly the youths, he shall make a firm resolve.

I am sure that some afflicted youths would object that. “We cannot make any decision, and we have resolved several times, but failed!”

We are fully aware of your objection, but you too shall pay attention to our reply:
I ask such people: “Have your even done this openly before your parents, brother, teacher and or any other individual, even if you are very unquiet?

You will certainly say: No.

I ask, “Why?” You reply: “Because it is such a disgraceful practice!”

We say: You mean that since it is shameful, you have decided to avoid it before them!

This very well proves that you are never drawn to this practice as unwillingly and involuntarily as you think. Otherwise, the presence or absence of these individuals made no difference to you!

You shall try to extend “your strong willpower” used in such cases everywhere. This capital exists in you. Then, why do you not utilize it?

You shall also keep in mind that God is present everywhere and observes your deeds. Is it correct to perform this practice in His presence?!

It is noteworthy that we read in one of the statements of the great Islamic leaders, Imam Sadiq (as.) that once a person came to him and said: Poor man has been involuntarily afflicted by a “sexual perversion”!

Imam angrily asked: What do you mean?! Does he commit it in the presence of others also?! He replied: No. He said: So, it proves that he does it voluntarily and willingly.

We declare explicitly to those who say, “We have decided several times, but failed”: Violation of decision does not imply elimination of all of its effects in man. When a decision is broken, there remains some deposits on depth of man’s heart and soul, and it paves the way for final decision more than before. (Pay attention)

Let me explain this with the help of an example:

Many times, when one decides to climb a mountain or drive up a sharp slope, one may fail the first, second and sometimes even the tenth time, but finally, one succeeds and passes it. It does not mean that he has not achieved anything in the previous times. Rather, each time he tried to go uphill and failed, he has automatically learned and acquired some ability and has finally succeeded.

Scientists say that to memorize a poem or prose, at first, 5 times repetition may be required, and it may be forgotten later. But next time, 5 times repetition will not be required. Three times may be enough. In other words, the deposits of previous decisions and learning always remain in man’s spirit. This is applicable to all issues concerned with man’s psyche.

Therefore, if you have resolved ten times, and have broken it, prepare yourself for a decisive, serious and firm decision for desisting from any sort of wrong addiction, and mobilize all your spiritual forces, particularly belief in God, and do not forget the saying of our great leader, Imam Ali (a.s.) that: Faithful individuals are strong and persistent like a mountain.

Now that you have made your final decision, you should observe the following instructions exactly.

Ten instructions

As mentioned earlier, risks and harms of sexual perversions, specially masturbation, which is sometimes called Onanism after a historical legend, are undeniable because it turns to “addiction” soon, a deep-rooted and fatal addiction so that the afflicted performs it several times a day, and even according to explicit confession of some afflicted people, sometimes the semen excretes from them only with “imagination and thinking”! without any other action!

Even more dangerous is despair and pessimism about encountering this addiction, because despair is the greatest hindrance for relief of the afflicted, and results in very undesirable spiritual reactions in them.

The afflicted should be sure that if they resolve, they can overcome this heinous habit, and even eliminate most of its effects and consequences in themselves in a short or somewhat long period.

They should never suggest to themselves that the addiction will last till the end of their life or its effects will remain forever.

Rather, they shall attempt to fight with full vigilance, decisive resolution and observance of “further instructions”.

Those who have been relieved from this heinous habit, should value their purity, and be vigilant to maintain it. They should avoid any satanic temptation, and must not leave their destiny to the aberrant and deviant associates at any rate.

As we have already mentioned, definite victory in struggle with any sort of wrong addiction, including dangerous sexual addictions or others, after hopefulness and confidence about victory, lies in making a firm decision (a strong decision relied on faith, character, nobility and conscience, and an unfailing and inviolable decision).

Even if the decision is broken ten times, they should make a stronger resolve again, and renew their decision with same hopefulness and faith.

However, the decisions finally affect their unconscious, and when they are accumulated, they will be effective.

Undoubtedly, when the resolve is not broken, effects of the heinous habits will be eliminated from their spirit and body much sooner.

It goes without saying that if such people establish a close relation and connection with their Lord, and seek help from His sacred presence, and trust in His mercy, it will be more fruitful under the grace of this religious faith.

Now, after these steps, following points shall be observed carefully. These points may seem simple for some people, but in practice, it is proved that they have a miraculous effect.

Avoiding all artificial stimulations

If the youths watch “sexy films” every night in the cinema or on television, and spend a major part of their valuable time reading “romantic fiction” and watching “provocative photos” of porn magazines, and ogle at half-naked females in the streets, and still expect not to be tainted, they are really wrong.

Such causes of “artificial stimulations” which are never necessary, divert the line of thought of any youth from the basic issues of life, and lead it towards the sexual issues in an acute and rebellious form.

They are constantly kept in a nervous anxious state, the adverse effects of which surround their entire life.

Continuation of constant provocation destroys the best period of life, i.e. youth period, and ruins the nerves of youths.

All dear youths, particularly those having some wrong sexual habits, should strictly avoid watching such films, reading such books, and any sort of deliberate leering to prevent disturbance of their mental tranquillity and weakening of their powerful nervous system with constant excitement.

In order to succeed in this part, it is necessary for them to choose healthy and suitable recreation and hobbies for their leisure, and prepare a suitable program with the help of their friends for this purpose.

These recreations may include personal and group sports, walking, useful reading, gardening, handicrafts, collecting poems, photos and stamps, and  participation in various gatherings and scientific or moral conferences.

Preparing a full time program

The youths should prepare a program for all times of day and night for themselves to avoid even an hour of idle time.

We do not say that they should study or work continuously. Rather they should have a program even for their recreation and sport, with no free time.

The youths should know that the greatest misery for a youth is to have free time without any program.

A youth may be unemployed and a job seeker, but he should prepare a daily program, including study, recreation, rest, etc.

It is better if the youths prepare their daily program a little more compressed than their available time to prevent their mind from idleness even for a moment, because being mentally busy is very effective in avoiding such bad habits.

It is often observed that smokers smoke much more during holidays as compared to working days. The difference is the same result of engagement of mind, nervous system and body in the positive actions, and avoiding useless and harmful deeds on working days.

In brief, if those suffering from wrong sexual addictions, do not have a full time engaging program, they cannot get rid of this habit easily. Preparing such a program is one of the most effective factors in avoidance, and the addicted could overcome a major part of problems of their withdrawal in this way.

Focusing on sports

It is well known that sportsmen are undersexed, because a large part of their physical and mental energy is directed to sports, and naturally, less remains for other issues.

On this account, in order to prevent extreme sexual provocation, it is necessary for the youths to choose extensive and various sports programs.

Those afflicted to this evil habit are often secluded, unsociable, slow and dull. Seclusion, isolation and dullness worsens and intensifies their situation. If they change their state completely, and add mobility to their life, it would be very effective to their withdrawal, improvement and recovery.

Such people usually have a weak and feeble nervous system, while various and appropriate sports are significantly effective in strengthening their nervous system.

They should assign their extra and free time to different games, sports and walking to recover their health and also allocate a part of their physical and mental energy to sports.

To the same degree that mobility, personal and group sports are useful, isolation and seclusion is a lethal poison for them and they should avoid it at any rate.

Don’t forget this advice, and find its miraculous results. Exercise so much during the day that you become tired. Then, you will sleep well at night and be secure from the evil of many harmful and fateful imaginations and thoughts disturbing you at this time!

One habit shall be replaced by another

Psychologists say: For withdrawal from a bad habit, a good habit should be found to replace it.

For instance, those accustomed to gambling cannot give it up despite observing and feeling all its harms, and according to themselves, when it is the time of gambling, they do not know which power attracts them towards this action (condemned by their intellect and conscience) just like a slave and captive?! For overcoming such wrong habits, they should replace gambling with a proper game (like a sports match) to forget the bad habit.

In other words, the energy consumed by the habit shall be diverted elsewhere and consumed without leaving any undesirable reaction. (Pay attention)

For the wrong sexual habits, when the motive is created in the afflicted, they shall engage themselves in a program which they have already envisioned for such time, like a scientific activity, sports or intellectual competition, studying an interesting book, mountain climbing and riding etc. and continue it to replace the previous bad habit.

Absolute avoidance of loneliness

Such persons should certainly and unconditionally avoid loneliness.
They should never be alone, do not stay alone at home, do not sleep alone in the room, and do not go to a solitary place even for studying.

When they feel loneliness anywhere, they should leave that place immediately.

Such individuals should specially not forget this point that upon feeling the first provocation, they should rise and engage in something else. Neglecting this warning would often cost you much.
Loneliness is a very favourable in breeding the microbes of this addiction in the mind of any youth, and all youths wishing to be healthy, safe and secure from the great risks of masturbation, should
avoid loneliness.

Marry at the first opportunity

If possible, such individuals should marry at the first opportunity. Even if they can only be engaged (of course, a legal engagement with legal marriage contract), they should not lose this opportunity.

In short, marriage has a significant effect in struggle against this sexual perversion. If expectations are lessened and extra formalities eliminated, it would be a very easy and simple task. However, a series of dreams and wrong restrictions have chained most classes, including the educated and the unlearned.

Some addicted youths fear marriage, but their fear is really baseless, because by following these instructions it is easy to cure this addiction and succeed in all stages of marriage and matrimony.

Suggestion and strengthening of willpower

Suggestion has a critical role in struggle against this habit.
The addicted individuals should regularly suggest to themselves that they can give up this ugly habit completely.

In order to increase and expedite the effect of suggestion, as a French psychologist, (Dr. Victor Pushe) says: They should continue suggestion for several days as follows:

Every day, they should sit in a quiet place, where nothing disturbs them, and focus their mind and repeat this phrase articulately and strongly: I can give up this evil habit completely, I can!

Repeating this simple suggestion has an incredible impact on boosting their morale and withdrawal from this habit and any bad habit. (You can try it.)

Furthermore, we should not neglect reading psychological books written for stabilization and growth of character and strengthening of will power, because as we know and all the addicted succeeding in giving up this evil habit and other undesirable addictions have confessed, the first step in this path is “willpower and resolution”.

Absolute abstinence

One should completely avoid associating with individuals afflicted with this vice at all times specially during the period of struggle, as he avoids those suffering from cholera. Moreover, one should never neglect the fatal and painful harms and consequences of this action, and never listen to the tempting utterances of others.

The role of aberrant and bad associates in affliction by this perversion and its continuation is very amazing. For not feeling sin and misfortune, the afflicted try to make others afflicted. So, they always try to display this evil deed as pleasant and harmless, but the awakened youths are never entrapped in their satanic temptations.

General nourishment and diet

A perfect and healthy diet resulting in general nourishment is very effective in struggle against this habit, which mostly originates from or causes weak nervous system.

Bathing in cool water (of course, when the weather is good), and then body massage with towel too could help such individuals.

They should also strictly avoid wearing tight and close-fitting garments, which could cause artificial stimulation. Basically, such garments are harmful and even sometimes dangerous for all youths, and hurt their normal growth in addition to being provocative and tempting.

Seeking help from the power of faith and religious beliefs

The power of faith and religious belief could be the greatest help for the afflicted, and it could relieve them from this evil habit.

Such individuals should never consider themselves as cursed and reprobated individuals with God. Rather, one should trust in God’s mercy, pray, prostrate and confide to and invoke God, and request Him to help him in getting rid of this ugly habit. Definitely, if they turn to Him heartily, The Merciful God will help them and they will succeed in this vital conflict.

They should consider Him omnipresent and All-Seeing, and must not allow themselves to commit such an immoral action.

We are sure that if the afflicted youths observe the above instructions carefully just for a month, they will be relieved from this perversion.

Feedback from Readers

We have received many shocking letters regarding this book but here suffice with quoting one of them for the dear readers without any edition and modification.

In the name of God

In the name of Lord Who created the youths and the Lord Who created all pure humans.
Let me narrate my case to publish it for the youths:

I am 19 years old. I was very much interested in Quran and our dear Imams (a.s.) at early teenage and still I am. During that time I hated looking at women, and assumed it to be a great sin and I avoided ogling.

When I reached maturity, and entered high school, I underwent a change and Satan penetrated me and diverted me from the straight path. Ogling at women had become a habit for me. I acquired bad friends who caused me to inure to a habit which involved me for four years. I continued this undesirable sexual habit for four years and my dropping out of school was undeniable and imminent. I was an excellent student in the primary school, but in the high school, I failed to pass some examinations.

I neglected God for four years. I lost my health and in general everything during these four years. The symptoms of thinness, debility, anaemia, dullness, trembling and weak eyes appeared in me.

In the fourth year of high school, I was awakened, and tried to desist from this action, but it was unfruitful. I withstood for 2 to 3 days, but committed the evil act again. All through the summer, I did my best and tried hard to quit it, but failed. I resorted to God and infallible Imams. I listened to Quran before Azan, and wept. I wanted to commune with someone, but with whom?

I spoke with God when listening to Quran being recited, and sought help from Him, and did not commit it for 2 or 3 days, but again I did it! Then, I cried and took a bath, and performed ritual ablution, and decided not to commit it anymore. When I did not perform it or decided to quit it, I was so happy as if God has forgiven all my sins!? But curse unto Satan…

In short, every evening I listened to Quran before Azan, and wept and sought help from God and resorted to Him, and after Azan, I prayed and invoked God to save all the youths addicted to this habit like me.

My friends were progressing, but I was declining. I was not admitted in the university as a result of my addiction. God never forgets His servants. Finally, it was a mercy of Him that I found the book, “Sexual problems of youths”, and bought it. It was the same book of salvation that delivered me and most of the youths. If they observe its instructions, they could get rid of this addiction. I thank God for His mercy unto me, the sinful servant, and saving me from a disgraceful death.

I read the whole book and observed its instructions one by one, and at the meantime, prayed on time and invoked God to save all the youths addicted to this action. I repeated the verses of the Throne several times every day to be secured from sin. When the sin occurred to me, I recited the verse of the Throne, and felt its effect clearly.

Furthermore, I recited the following two verses:

و اذا فعلوا فاحشه او ظلموا انفسهم، ذکروالله، فاستغفروا لذنوبهم و من یغفر الذنوب الا الله، و لم یصروا علی ما فعلوا و هم یعلمون

و ان الذین اتقوا اذا مسهم طائف من الشیطان تذکروا فاذا هم مبصرون

Then, I immediately forgot the calamitous thoughts. Recitation of these two verses is very effective.
First, I decided, and then refrained to glance at girls (this is very important). I prepared a busy daily program so that I did not have any time for this act. As explained in detail in the book, “Sexual problems of the youths”, I strengthened my faith and invoked God, which is the most important point. I believed in the phrase mentioned at the end of this book:

We are sure that if the afflicted youths observe the above instructions carefully just for a month, they will be relieved from this perversion.

However, after several resolutions, I succeeded to quit this habit and was saved. As I write this letter, it is two months that I have quitted it. You cannot imagine how glad I was when one month passed. I performed thanksgiving prayer. I supplicate God to help all sexually addicted youths to give up this habit

If the youths performing this practice know what ominous and dark consequences await them, and the destruction that it entails, but if they resolve to give up it, and observe carefully the instructions of this book, they should be certain that they will be saved after observing these instructions for a month and adhering to abstinence. Then they will experience the same feeling.

I like to cry and announce to all the people that I have been saved from death; not the rightful death, but disgraceful death and misery.

I like to look at nature, because it has become very beautiful.

I like to talk more with my family and laugh, because I did not laugh two months ago and spoke very little.

O God, I thank You for not denying Your mercy to such a sinful servant.

O God, I thank You for showing me the path of truth and helping me to join the truth.

Dear youths! If you are clean, try to remain thus and be clean forever. If not, you should try to purify yourself and study the book, “Sexual problems of the youths”, and observe its instructions carefully. Be sure that if you are addicted, you will be saved. At the critical moment of my salvation, I was hopeful and knew that I would certainly be saved.

Dear youths! If you have decided to give up this habit today and failed, make a resolve again, and never lose hope. Do not say that it is too late. You shall indeed succeed with repeated efforts.
Moreover, studying the book, “The best way for overcoming anxieties” is useful and helpful. (Nasl e Javan publications)

O you pure gentlemen! You have saved and continue to save a large number of youths from dangerous quicksand. I know that you do not need my gratitude, and will receive your reward from the Lord.

O God! Help us to succeed in giving up this addiction.

O God! Guide us to know that we are too dignified to accept committing evil deeds, and that we must not ogle at ladies.

O God! I know I have lost a major part of my memory and intelligence. I ask You to restore y previous wisdom and intellect. I am sure that You can help me in this regard. I have recourse only to Thee, O the Most Merciful!

O God! Help the youths who have quitted this habit and compensate their previous losses.

O God! Accept my repentance for my past sins, and help me not to commit it anymore, and save all youths who want to be saved from the chain of rebellion of this instinct.

O God! Support all who try to guide the youths, and enable them to accomplish this godly action and let them to enter everlasting paradise.

Topic Tags:

Sexual [5]

Marriage [6]

Chastity [7]

Youth [8]

Author(s):

Naser Makarem Shirazi [3]

Category:

Youth [4]

Source URL: https://www.al-islam.org/sexual-problems-youths-naser-makarem-shirazi

Links
[1] https://www.al-islam.org/user/login?destination=node/17244%23comment-form
[2] https://www.al-islam.org/user/register?destination=node/17244%23comment-form
[3] https://www.al-islam.org/person/ayatullah-naser-makarem-shirazi
[4] https://www.al-islam.org/library/youth
[5] https://www.al-islam.org/tags/sexual
[6] https://www.al-islam.org/tags/marriage
[7] https://www.al-islam.org/tags/chastity
[8] https://www.al-islam.org/tags/youth
[9] mailto:monirshafiei@yahoo.com